Giving In To Growth

Our family was able to be part of a dear friend's home church today. It was a wonderful time! At one point, Gracie refused to be quiet:) She was not happy sitting still in one place, and so I took her outside to walk her around while some of the prayer was going on...

As I was walking around, I began to pray and look back to how we got to this point in our journey. I began to reflect on the growth that has occurred in our lives since Ricky and I began this adventure together almost 10 years ago.

You see, most of my life I was a people pleaser! I loved when people were "happy" with me and my decisions! And for the majority of the time, my decisions seemed wise. I loved school, and took my studies very seriously. I played competitive soccer, and strove for excellence. I was able to go to college with both a soccer and academic scholarship. I did my best to follow the Lord and lead others into a relationship with Him. And so, for many, my life was on the RIGHT track and headed for success!

All of this came tumbling down, however, when Ricky and I got married. The Lord had spoken to Ricky very clearly that we were supposed to leave Him in charge over the timing of our children. We wanted to trust Him with this aspect. Surprisingly, we became pregnant with our first not even a month after our wedding. While Ricky and I were excited, we were also super scared. My people pleasing kicked into over drive, because I realized that not many people would think this was a wise decision. Nonetheless, we had heard the Lord, and we would continue to walk with Him. Hearts began to change into excitement, and our firstborn, David, was born! Oh, how I was terrified to be a mama. This was the most challenging thing I had ever faced. In fact, I remember thinking that there was no way they could let me leave with a baby. I had no idea what I was doing!!!!:) Somehow, we managed, and we settled as best as we could into life of a newborn, as newlyweds ourselves.

Then, 4 months later, we were expecting our second child. As much as David was a hard hit, being pregnant for a second time felt even more irresponsible. Who had children 13 months apart? We had barely gotten to some semblance of normalcy, and here we were pregnant again. While excited, I was also devastated. I knew many disagreed with having children so close together. Noah was born later that year, and we began yet again to settle into some kind of new normal.

When Noah was 5 months old, we got the surprise of our lives. We were pregnant. AGAIN! And now, I just felt weird. People thought we had jumped into the crazy pool! "Are you going to keep doing this?", people asked us. "You will have 3 in diapers!', they said. And I knew that was true! I agreed with much of what they said! But, I knew we had heard God's voice, and so we did our best to push through. The thing was, I began to feel like a huge disappointment. In my people pleasing, I had begun to grow an overwhelming amount of bitterness and resentment to the people who were seemingly unhappy with our family. I felt like my life choices continued to be deemed unwise, and I was not sure how to change that. I wanted to continue to allow the Lord to be sovereign in this area, but I hated not having people pleased with my decisions. As you can already tell, this people pleasing side of me did NOT please the Lord. I was so concerned about others thoughts about me, that I allowed sadness and depression to dwell.

And this my friends, was the season when the Lord began to chip..chip...chip. He chipped away at the mountain in my heart that had grown over the years. The one that wasn't happy unless others were happy with my decisions. The one that was more concerned with the thoughts and opinions of others, instead of the thoughts and opinion of my God. AND THIS WAS A HARD MOUNTAIN TO MOVE. Honestly, its one the Lord continues to move. But as I look back, I see why the Lord walked us through this process so early. Our life was about to get a whole lot more hectic. We began to talk about adoption after hosting our precious children from Ukraine. And as we took the first steps toward it, we found out we were pregnant with our 4th, Sarabeth. Many thought surely we would get the notion of adoption out of our heads, because 4 was a big family. Our first adopted son came home 10 months after Sara was born. Then God pushed us towards adoption again, and the day after we announced we were going back to Ukraine, we found out we were pregnant with our 5th biological child. I remember laughing and thinking, "Seriously, God..the DAY after we announce our adoption, is the time we find out we are pregnant!" But GOD! God had brought that mountain of people pleasing much lower, and while we were still scared, our YES to God's plans were easier this time around.

Presently, many people deem our life legitimately crazy. They really do remark that we have jumped off the deep end. And our life is truly, in a beautiful way, crazy. But now, I don't struggle all the time with what people think of our family. In fact, there is such a freedom now in rejoicing in what God is saying. It's almost as if people have established us as "out of the box", and so stuff just stops surprising them! I walk much lighter now. I know that God is happy with me. And I no longer cringe at sharing what the Lord is doing in our lives. I actually get excited about it.

I share this for a reason. If the Lord had not walked me through my people pleasing, I would be miserable in my obedience to God. When the Lord would have said, 'Go adopt a child with Down Syndrome who is potentially dying", I may not have had the stamina or courage to go. But the Lord was so faithful to SLOWLY, STEADILY, and SURELY walk me through the things that would one day hinder His good plans for my life.

If the Lord is walking you through a hard season, and uprooting some uncomfortable things in your heart, do not be discouraged!!!!! Looking back, I realize it was nothing but giving in to growth. I could not tell then, but His path literally prepared us for what we are doing today! And truthfully, what He is walking us through today will prepare us for whatever He has for our future.

That is our God, friends. He is for us. And He is committed to our growth<3

                                                                                         

When the Lord Calls You By Name

This morning I work up to hear a new song that I have recently learned about. It's called "Abraham", and it's written by Josh Baldwin from Bethel. I absolutely love the story of Abraham in the Bible. He is counted as a righteous man, and received one of the most noted promises in the Bible.

                       "Then He (God) brought him outside and said, 'Look now toward heaven,
                      and count the stars if you are able to number them.' And He (God) said to
                      him,'So shall your descendants be.' And he (Abraham) believed in the
                      Lord, and He accounted it to him for righteousness." Genesis 15:5-6

While we read this story and stand in awe of such a promise, we forget many times that Abraham had YET to have a son. He strictly had to believe that what God had promised him was true, and that it would come to fruition despite every external circumstance in his life.


Many years ago, I was attending a dance worship conference. I loved watching the women wave their flags and banners in worship to the Lord. It was beautiful to watch! Ricky and I were engaged, and at one point during worship, Ricky saw a picture of me in his head. I was dressed in white, and I had a child with me. Ricky said that the Lord spoke to him and told him that my womb was blessed!!!!

At this point, I remember that scaring me a little bit. I was not sure what that meant. And while I was absolutely in love with this man of mine, I wasn't sure how I felt about having children. The Lord had just begun to show me that it was part of His plan for us when we got married. He had just begun to change my heart towards having children. But I believed the Lord, and I knew my Father. If He said it, it would happen.


Fast forward to last January, 2016. At this time I had 6 beautiful children, and we were in the process of adopting 3 more. The Lord had done such a miraculous work in our short years of marriage. His journey had been so unique up to this point, and I had learned to just roll with it. The fact is, I trusted my Daddy. He had walked us through many miracles thus far. So while I couldn't always anticipate what He would tell us next, I trusted His plan. Because one of our current 6 was adopted, the Lord had grown such a heart in Ricky and I for orphans. Hosting orphans from Ukraine the years previous to that had also grown our hearts.


So, here I sat at Bible study, with a group of beautiful woman, and the Lord spoke yet again. He told me that I would be a mother to the motherless. I immediately began to cry. Right there at the table. I knew it was Him. And my spirit jumped within me. I knew that for the rest of my days, this would be something that would be part of my life. And I was no longer scared. I was EXCITED!


You see, when God calls you by name, it is just about the best thing in the world. When God gave Abraham his promise, he had no idea how so many descendants would be brought about. He just believed God. And while I am currently a mama to 3 children who were not born to me, and have fostered 5 children thus far, I believe His plan will continue to go places that I cannot even anticipate. In fact, very recently I felt the Lord encourage me that some of those that I "mother" would not be physical orphans, but those spiritually needing a mama as well. When God calls you by name, it is life altering. It is an absolute great adventure!


So, dear friends, what has God spoken over you? What promises has He written over your heart? The truth is, He has called you by name! He has incredible purpose over your life. And He is not hiding from you. He wants you to know what you were created to do, and He wants you to walk in it.


On a side note, can I say this? Sometimes we as believers feel like others have really big callings, and what God has called us to do seems so small. Can I encourage you? What God has called you to do is HUGE, and was uniquely given to you. Your impact will affect the world. You never know who your life is impacting right now, today. The person you are working next to, the patient you are treating, the children you are raising, or the man you pass by in the grocery store. Our life is meant to be a display of the GLORY and GOODNESS of God, not us. And if we do it well, we are impacting the world, friends. We are.

Love,
Monica:)

Two Mites

While we were in Honduras, we spent the first few days doing really neat things. We visited a natural hot spring, and saw some really beautiful Spanish influenced churches. We had also spent some time in a children's home called Miqueas 6:8. We so enjoyed running around with the kids, meeting the beautiful people who ran the home, and learning more about their stories. It really was like a dream of my heart coming true. But in the middle of it all I noticed something. Something was missing. I was going through the motions, but I wasn't being myself.

In these past few years God has been doing a beautiful work in me. Slowly, but surely He has stripped me of deep things in my heart that I didn't even know were there. Fear. Pride. Anxiety. A sense of keeping up appearances. And God began replacing them with truth. The Unshakeable kind. The kind that comes as God lays your foundation. And because of these changes, I had begun to come out of my shell. I was stepping out and praying for people, believing God to do for them what He has done for me. I had grown this dependency on God that brought such Joy to my heart. Whatever He wanted, I wanted...it's what drew me to Honduras in the first place. I heard Him whisper the name of Honduras into my prayer over the last 2 years, and I wanted to see what it was all about:)

Anyway, so here I am, in the beautiful country of Honduras, and I felt like I was just GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS... And that, my friends, was just not going to do. I realized I could literally go through this entire trip, do the ''nice things'' every person wants to do on a missions trip, and leave mainly unaffected. So very early Tuesday morning, I asked Ricky if I could go outside (into this beautiful, lush landscape, by the way:) and I began to talk to Jesus. I told Him I knew something was missing. And I asked Him to talk to me about it. So I opened my Bible and I landed on Luke 21.

                 "And He (Jesus) looked up and saw the rich putting their gifts into the treasury,

                and He saw also a certain poor widow putting in two mites. So He said, Truly I

                I say to you that the poor widow has put in more than all; for all of these out of 

                their abundance have put in offerings for God, but she out of her poverty put in

                all the livelihood that she had."vs.1-4

And I felt like God stopped me in my tracks. See, because we have had so many children, and then adopted, fostered, and gone on this wild adventure of a missions trip so shortly after we returned from Ukraine, many people have labeled us as radical. And sometimes, friends, I have agreed with it. I have actually thought.."hey, we are doing pretty good, giving our YES to the Lord whenever He calls.." So we are living the Christian life, right? Except, when God stops you, and shows you that you aren't actually laying it all down. Out of my abundance I have given, but not out of my poverty.

 The thing is, the Lord laid down His ALL. He gave His life for me. And I have more to give. Only the Lord and I know what my ALL actually consists of, and I felt the Lord challenge me. He encouraged me and lovingly showed me that there were places in my life in which I wasn't giving my all. And for everyone, that will look different. But as soon as I decided to give it to Him, I immediately felt the difference. As tired as I was (my eyes gave me away:), I took the picture up top to remind myself everyday that I want to give my all, my TWO mites away. Because if there is one thing I have learned, it's that when you give the Lord something, HE makes the most incredibly beautiful things with it.

Love,

Monica<3